Whats been happening..

The thing is I am in a mess....Stuck at D's place, ok yes I have had my lifeforce restored, which is great don't get me wrong, well apart from the fact the Doctor stuck his nose in and helped. that for one disgusts me to my very core.
He insists on trying to help me all the time, what is wrong with him? god I can't stand him...and to think we once were friends. but...well he destroyed that when he abandoned me on Gallifrey. that's how I see it. he ran away when I needed him the most.
but enough of my past...I do not like to bring that back to the surface.

The drums continue to pound in my head, louder than ever before....I did have a ring that D gave me, it dulled the noise....as if someone had turned the sound down. But being me I pulled it off and threw it into D's lake. the quiet was getting to me....making me think too much. it seems its a no win situation, I can not live with the drums but yet I can not live without them.

Lilith has been allowed to visit me, Oh how I have missed my beautiful woman. to hold her in my arms....to fuck her when I want. Its good to have her here. I am not sure how long D will let her stay....but I would rather not think about that.

so..today has been a challenge... a lump of raw meat triggered something off in my mind....caused me to retch and vomit.
 Its the thought of all the humans I have devoured to help restore my lifeforce...I have not been sick through guilt though, don't get me wrong I couldn't care less that they died at my hands....its merely the thought of their disgusting flesh between my teeth....that I had to stoop so low. it disgusts me. makes me sick to my stomach.

D will need to help me get rid of these thoughts....I wish I could just forget, but alas it is never that simple.

Lilith mentioned to me that I should maybe request help with my temper, learn to control it. use it to my advantage. she talks sense..I know she does....but then its that word again Isn't it...help....get help...I am not fond of that word.

so that's it...I am here....seeking help....It seems at the moment I am half the man I used to be....
but I promise you all In time I will get what I deserve, I will dominate this universe. it will happen. there's no doubt about that.
I will seek revenge on all that have laughed. mocked and patronised me while I have been in this state. they all know who they are

I will be rising to power once again. mark my words.......